I would like to start this blog entry
with an apology. I have no idea whether or not there will be any
posts on this blog besides this one. I don't really intend to start
writing regularly. There is a particular issue I've been thinking
about lately that I would like to share. If I have anything that really presses on my mind in future, I'll come back.
The other thing that concerns me is
that there are some people who, in reading this, may get offended.
Then I realized that the people who get offended by what I have to
say are likely to refuse to read a woman's writing in the first
place, so I decided that I don't really have to worry about that.
Submission. There's a loaded word.
I used to attend an Independent
Fundamentalist Baptist Church. That's a mouthful. Those who've left
that particular church often shorten it to the IFB.
While I was
attending this church I met a lady. She seemed like a nice lady, but
she acted strangely around her husband. I have tried to give an
explanation about what exactly bothered me about her behavior but I
can't quite put my finger on it. However, after frequent
interactions with this woman I said to a friend that I was concerned
about her. I thought that maybe her husband is abusing her, and I
didn't know how to broach the subject with her.
“Oh, I know,” the friend replied.
“There's some abuse going on, but she believes that she's serving
God by submitting to her husband.”
Submit.
I heard that another man I knew personally wrote that according to the bible, a woman was to submit to her abusive
husband unto death.
Submit.
In the past, when I have brought up the
issue of wifely submission with some concerns, I have been told, “it
doesn't matter what you think, it's what the bible says that
matters.”
Does the bible really teach that women
are to submit to their abusive husbands, even if it kills them?
Reading from the ESV, Ephesians 5:22
says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
But wait – why did I start reading at
verse 22? That seems strange. The book of Ephesians was written as
a letter to a group of people. It was one coherent piece of writing.
The chapter and verse markings were added in much later. And then,
even after that, someone was nice enough to make my bible nice and
easy to read by writing the words “Wives and Husbands” just
before verse 22. Just so, if I was to look at how I, as a wife,
should treat my husband, I would know right where to start reading.
Or would I?
Let's go back a little bit. The
entirety of chapter five has to do with how Christians should behave.
Verse 21 specifically states, “submitting to one another out of
reverence for Christ.”
Woah.
I had always thought that submission
was something that women were to do to the men in their lives. But
here we have an utterance of the word 'submitting' that is addressed
to Christianity in whole. Submitting to one another.
What does one another mean?
Presumably, to other Christians. Each other. Women submitting to
men. Men submitting to men. Men submitting to women. I honestly
believe that this verse is trying to establish a level playing field
among Christianity. Yes, governments and other religions have
hierarchies. They have the chosen few enjoying life at the expense
of those weaker than them. But it should not be so among you.
Thinking back to some of the more
recent scandals that are happening within fundamentalism, I cannot
help but wonder if they would have happened had the pastors of those
churches been willing to submit to their fellow believers, rather
than puff themselves up with pride.
So, Christians are to submit to each
other. And then, in verse 22, it says, yes, that women are to submit
to their own husband. At no point in time does it say that men now
are exempt from 'submitting to one another'. But women are to submit
to their own husband.
Then we come, of course, to the counter
verse, verse 25. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her...” I have often heard this
verse being glossed over. “Husbands, love your wives; WIVES,
SUBMIT!” Either that, or I have heard this verse to justify using
verse 22 to teach women to submit to their husbands as a one-sided
affair. Because of course, if a man truly loves his wife in a
self-sacrificing manner, then he will never use his authority over
her to harm her.
From what I've seen of fundamentalist
Christianity, that's a pretty big if.
Why on earth would the writer be
telling men to love their wives? That's easy, right? Well, I
strongly suspect that the region and time period that these
Christians were living in was largely misogynistic. If the people
lived in a culture that rarely treated women well, it would make
sense that the men had to be reminded to show love to their wives. I'm not coming out and saying this is what happened, but it seems like a reasonable suggestion.
When I read the whole chapter, it
actually seems to me that the writer is placing the larger burden on
the husbands. Christians, submit to one another. Wives, submit to
your own husbands. Husbands, you're not off the hook on that whole
submission thing, but now you have to remember to love your wives as
well.
Back to the original question: Should
a christian woman submit to an abusive husband? I found it
interesting to go back and read from verse 7:
“Therefore do not become partners
with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light
in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is
found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern
what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works
of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to
speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is
exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes
visible is light.”
I think we've been asking the wrong
question. Why are we being overly concerned with how a woman is to
treat an abusive husband? Shouldn't we be more concerned with the
unfruitful works that is the abuse itself? Should we be taking part
in such works of darkness by seeking to cover them up and allow them
to continue? Or should we expose them?
A man or a woman who is abusing people,
especially in a criminal sense, is not honoring God. It is not
Godly to continue to cover their deeds and support them in that.
