Submission

I would like to start this blog entry with an apology. I have no idea whether or not there will be any posts on this blog besides this one. I don't really intend to start writing regularly. There is a particular issue I've been thinking about lately that I would like to share. If I have anything that really presses on my mind in future, I'll come back.

The other thing that concerns me is that there are some people who, in reading this, may get offended. Then I realized that the people who get offended by what I have to say are likely to refuse to read a woman's writing in the first place, so I decided that I don't really have to worry about that.

Submission. There's a loaded word.

I used to attend an Independent Fundamentalist Baptist Church. That's a mouthful. Those who've left that particular church often shorten it to the IFB. 

While I was attending this church I met a lady. She seemed like a nice lady, but she acted strangely around her husband. I have tried to give an explanation about what exactly bothered me about her behavior but I can't quite put my finger on it. However, after frequent interactions with this woman I said to a friend that I was concerned about her. I thought that maybe her husband is abusing her, and I didn't know how to broach the subject with her.

“Oh, I know,” the friend replied. “There's some abuse going on, but she believes that she's serving God by submitting to her husband.”

Submit.

I heard that another man I knew personally wrote that according to the bible, a woman was to submit to her abusive husband unto death.

Submit.

In the past, when I have brought up the issue of wifely submission with some concerns, I have been told, “it doesn't matter what you think, it's what the bible says that matters.”

Does the bible really teach that women are to submit to their abusive husbands, even if it kills them?

Reading from the ESV, Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

But wait – why did I start reading at verse 22? That seems strange. The book of Ephesians was written as a letter to a group of people. It was one coherent piece of writing. The chapter and verse markings were added in much later. And then, even after that, someone was nice enough to make my bible nice and easy to read by writing the words “Wives and Husbands” just before verse 22. Just so, if I was to look at how I, as a wife, should treat my husband, I would know right where to start reading.

Or would I?

Let's go back a little bit. The entirety of chapter five has to do with how Christians should behave. Verse 21 specifically states, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Woah.

I had always thought that submission was something that women were to do to the men in their lives. But here we have an utterance of the word 'submitting' that is addressed to Christianity in whole. Submitting to one another.

What does one another mean? Presumably, to other Christians. Each other. Women submitting to men. Men submitting to men. Men submitting to women. I honestly believe that this verse is trying to establish a level playing field among Christianity. Yes, governments and other religions have hierarchies. They have the chosen few enjoying life at the expense of those weaker than them. But it should not be so among you.

Thinking back to some of the more recent scandals that are happening within fundamentalism, I cannot help but wonder if they would have happened had the pastors of those churches been willing to submit to their fellow believers, rather than puff themselves up with pride.

So, Christians are to submit to each other. And then, in verse 22, it says, yes, that women are to submit to their own husband. At no point in time does it say that men now are exempt from 'submitting to one another'. But women are to submit to their own husband.

Then we come, of course, to the counter verse, verse 25. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...” I have often heard this verse being glossed over. “Husbands, love your wives; WIVES, SUBMIT!” Either that, or I have heard this verse to justify using verse 22 to teach women to submit to their husbands as a one-sided affair. Because of course, if a man truly loves his wife in a self-sacrificing manner, then he will never use his authority over her to harm her.

From what I've seen of fundamentalist Christianity, that's a pretty big if.

Why on earth would the writer be telling men to love their wives? That's easy, right? Well, I strongly suspect that the region and time period that these Christians were living in was largely misogynistic. If the people lived in a culture that rarely treated women well, it would make sense that the men had to be reminded to show love to their wives.  I'm not coming out and saying this is what happened, but it seems like a reasonable suggestion.

When I read the whole chapter, it actually seems to me that the writer is placing the larger burden on the husbands. Christians, submit to one another. Wives, submit to your own husbands. Husbands, you're not off the hook on that whole submission thing, but now you have to remember to love your wives as well.

Back to the original question: Should a christian woman submit to an abusive husband? I found it interesting to go back and read from verse 7:

“Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light.”

I think we've been asking the wrong question. Why are we being overly concerned with how a woman is to treat an abusive husband? Shouldn't we be more concerned with the unfruitful works that is the abuse itself? Should we be taking part in such works of darkness by seeking to cover them up and allow them to continue? Or should we expose them?

A man or a woman who is abusing people, especially in a criminal sense, is not honoring God. It is not Godly to continue to cover their deeds and support them in that.